Friday, January 27, 2006
Resolution.
Or, at least, a door opening to the possibility of it.
Anger is an active emotion..it takes work to sustain. And eventually you get tired of continuously having to create and maintain it. So it fades away.
Saddness is passive. You can feel sad...and it doesn't take energy. It just is. That can remain, after the anger has gone.
But the thing is, sometimes the saddness too fades away. Enough to realize that you miss the time when neither saddness or anger existed. You just want comfort back.
And so, comfort it is. Wary, careful, treading softly...but comfort. However, permanently laced with the knowledge of what went before....which makes this 'comfort' much different from the last. I have grown up.
posted by sordaria @ 10:32 PM
Or, at least, a door opening to the possibility of it.
Anger is an active emotion..it takes work to sustain. And eventually you get tired of continuously having to create and maintain it. So it fades away.
Saddness is passive. You can feel sad...and it doesn't take energy. It just is. That can remain, after the anger has gone.
But the thing is, sometimes the saddness too fades away. Enough to realize that you miss the time when neither saddness or anger existed. You just want comfort back.
And so, comfort it is. Wary, careful, treading softly...but comfort. However, permanently laced with the knowledge of what went before....which makes this 'comfort' much different from the last. I have grown up.
posted by sordaria @ 10:32 PM
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
So it's 10:50pm, central time, on election night. The conservatives are in the lead, and my stress level is rising.
Part of me is completely distraught that my country, the country I love and think truely stands for equality, for love of each other, for respecting each other and living and let living...would vote this way. Most of me says it really boils down to people just being pissed off at the Liberals and their corruption. I really hope that's the case, and not that this is the beginning of a right-shift in Canada's political spectrum.
At least it's looking like it'll be a minority Conservative government. And with the NDP showing pretty strong support, and the Liberals not too too far behind the conservatives, Harper won't be able to pass anything too scary and left wing.
I actually read over the conservative platform tonight after seeing the conservative lead. I had never read it before, which is not overly educated and good of me, but frankly, I have too much to read already. ha. Anyway, most of it is laid out in pretty speak, and some of it really doesn't sound too bad. Two aspects of it really stuck out to me though, as they have been my main concerns with this party the whole time.
First of all, their mandate to encourage provinces to bring private healthcare into the mix, 'as long as heathcare remains publically funded and universally accessible.' Um...wanna explain to me how those two ideas go together?? We already have a doctor's shortage, as it is. Private healthcare will pull doctors away from public sectors, and into the private field, where they will no longer be accessible to everyone. Having a 2-tiered system will inevitably pull resources away from the public sphere....meaning if you're not rich, you can expect lower quality care. I don't know....it's a hard point to argue...this idea that healthcare needs to be public. That it needs to be equal. Because, frankly, the waiting times are ridiculous, and if you've worked hard, or been lucky, why shouldn't you be able to use that and get yourself a better standard of care?
Maybe it just comes down to the fact that there's something different about health...it's not a BUSINESS. It's not like being able to buy a better tv, or being able to go on better vacations. I think it's something you just have to believe -- that health and quality of life are things you can't BUY. That they are fundamental human rights that should belong to everyone, without judgement. What you get should not depend on if you own 10 skyrise office complexes, or sleep in the allyway next to one of them. Health and wellbeing run deeper than finances. It's not a point you can proove...just one you feel. And I don't like this idea of private healthcare. It makes me sad.
However, one thing that IS good, is that the conservatives are putting emphasis on PREVENTIVE health care, like giving tax breaks to parents who enroll their children in physical activites. That's great. Except, that that only allows those with teh MONEY to enroll their kids to benefit. Being healthy is not always a cheap thing to do. If you go to a crappy innercity school, with no resources for afterschool programmes, in an unsafe neighborhood for jogging or basketball, and without the money to enroll your kid in tennis lessons, what are you supposed to do? In a society where pepsi is cheaper than milk, we're not really giving people an equal chance to keep themselves healthy.
Okay, so the second point in the platform that boils my blood is this lovely statement:
"The Liberal legislation abolishing the traditional definition of marriage passed only on a whipped cabinet vote. We believe that Parliament alone, based on a completely free vote, should be able to determine the definition of marriage."
OH SHUT UP HARPER. For fuckssake. That comes across as all neutral, but it's so bullshit. I won't even start on this topic because I'll rant on about it for 10 gigabytes, but holy fuck, get the fuck over it. People love each other. They get married. Often they get divorced. Why the fuck it should bother me if these people are two men, two women, a man and a woman, a woman and a GOAT...I don't fucking care. Let people be happy. It's not hurting you. Get your head out of the sand, look around you, and grow up.
Wow. that was a rant and a half. Election night just makes me think about what is important to me, and what I hope is important to this country. I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens.
Holding my breath, and crossing my fingers......
posted by sordaria @ 12:18 AM
Part of me is completely distraught that my country, the country I love and think truely stands for equality, for love of each other, for respecting each other and living and let living...would vote this way. Most of me says it really boils down to people just being pissed off at the Liberals and their corruption. I really hope that's the case, and not that this is the beginning of a right-shift in Canada's political spectrum.
At least it's looking like it'll be a minority Conservative government. And with the NDP showing pretty strong support, and the Liberals not too too far behind the conservatives, Harper won't be able to pass anything too scary and left wing.
I actually read over the conservative platform tonight after seeing the conservative lead. I had never read it before, which is not overly educated and good of me, but frankly, I have too much to read already. ha. Anyway, most of it is laid out in pretty speak, and some of it really doesn't sound too bad. Two aspects of it really stuck out to me though, as they have been my main concerns with this party the whole time.
First of all, their mandate to encourage provinces to bring private healthcare into the mix, 'as long as heathcare remains publically funded and universally accessible.' Um...wanna explain to me how those two ideas go together?? We already have a doctor's shortage, as it is. Private healthcare will pull doctors away from public sectors, and into the private field, where they will no longer be accessible to everyone. Having a 2-tiered system will inevitably pull resources away from the public sphere....meaning if you're not rich, you can expect lower quality care. I don't know....it's a hard point to argue...this idea that healthcare needs to be public. That it needs to be equal. Because, frankly, the waiting times are ridiculous, and if you've worked hard, or been lucky, why shouldn't you be able to use that and get yourself a better standard of care?
Maybe it just comes down to the fact that there's something different about health...it's not a BUSINESS. It's not like being able to buy a better tv, or being able to go on better vacations. I think it's something you just have to believe -- that health and quality of life are things you can't BUY. That they are fundamental human rights that should belong to everyone, without judgement. What you get should not depend on if you own 10 skyrise office complexes, or sleep in the allyway next to one of them. Health and wellbeing run deeper than finances. It's not a point you can proove...just one you feel. And I don't like this idea of private healthcare. It makes me sad.
However, one thing that IS good, is that the conservatives are putting emphasis on PREVENTIVE health care, like giving tax breaks to parents who enroll their children in physical activites. That's great. Except, that that only allows those with teh MONEY to enroll their kids to benefit. Being healthy is not always a cheap thing to do. If you go to a crappy innercity school, with no resources for afterschool programmes, in an unsafe neighborhood for jogging or basketball, and without the money to enroll your kid in tennis lessons, what are you supposed to do? In a society where pepsi is cheaper than milk, we're not really giving people an equal chance to keep themselves healthy.
Okay, so the second point in the platform that boils my blood is this lovely statement:
"The Liberal legislation abolishing the traditional definition of marriage passed only on a whipped cabinet vote. We believe that Parliament alone, based on a completely free vote, should be able to determine the definition of marriage."
OH SHUT UP HARPER. For fuckssake. That comes across as all neutral, but it's so bullshit. I won't even start on this topic because I'll rant on about it for 10 gigabytes, but holy fuck, get the fuck over it. People love each other. They get married. Often they get divorced. Why the fuck it should bother me if these people are two men, two women, a man and a woman, a woman and a GOAT...I don't fucking care. Let people be happy. It's not hurting you. Get your head out of the sand, look around you, and grow up.
Wow. that was a rant and a half. Election night just makes me think about what is important to me, and what I hope is important to this country. I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens.
Holding my breath, and crossing my fingers......
posted by sordaria @ 12:18 AM
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
I love it when you walk home at night, and it's just rained....and the ice on the ground is sparkling in the streetlights....it looks like you're walking on glitter.
posted by sordaria @ 10:10 PM
posted by sordaria @ 10:10 PM
Friday, January 06, 2006
Hi again.
I didn't post at all over christmas -- something about sitting down to the clunky desktop at home just doesn't make me want to write in my 'journal'. Maybe it doesn't feel intimite enough anymore, now that I'm so used to my personal, small, more book-like laptops. Ah...technology :)
Christmas was fantastic. My brother and his girlfriend got engaged (WOOT WOOT..SO HAPPY), so that was very exciting. I spent a lot of time with my parents and my friends....generally just took things very easy. Saw a lot of live music, and did a small amount of studying.....a fact that is now kicking my ass as the exam looms closer and I am so incredibly far from ready.
New Years Eve was fabulous, I have to say. I got to have dinner with my favorite ladies, and then return for a house party where I sampled some new and tasty liquors, then down to the waterfront to watch the fireworks and some fire-dancing (got asked for my number...quite flattering...or hillarious...can't decide which), and then to see a reggae-band.
Saw lots of people I had missed for a long time, but also didn't get to see hardly enough of anyone. Christmas is too short, and too hectic.
But now, it's back to Ottawa, and I'm diving into my work, hoping not to drown. It's hard to get stressed about it, because the rest of my life is going so well at the moment. And when everything else is good, the intricicies of bacterial life cycles and the pathogeneic details of viruses and trematods just don't seem as pressing as they might otherwise be.
I have realized, however, that as much as I wish I could pack up and store the baggage I've picked up from previous relationships, it doesn't easily disapear. Last nigth and this morning I recognised certain feelings and insecurities resurfacing that I had tried to let go of. The feelings weren't deserved by the person who incited them in this case....they are just tied so deeply to how I now look at relationships, that they seem to reignite at the smallest little thing. I'm hoping that with time these 'second guessings' will disappear.....but they're engrained pretty deeply, so I'm sure it'll take a lot of time. I just hope in the meantime that I don't do anything to jeopardize the current situation by acting on them.
posted by sordaria @ 2:26 PM
I didn't post at all over christmas -- something about sitting down to the clunky desktop at home just doesn't make me want to write in my 'journal'. Maybe it doesn't feel intimite enough anymore, now that I'm so used to my personal, small, more book-like laptops. Ah...technology :)
Christmas was fantastic. My brother and his girlfriend got engaged (WOOT WOOT..SO HAPPY), so that was very exciting. I spent a lot of time with my parents and my friends....generally just took things very easy. Saw a lot of live music, and did a small amount of studying.....a fact that is now kicking my ass as the exam looms closer and I am so incredibly far from ready.
New Years Eve was fabulous, I have to say. I got to have dinner with my favorite ladies, and then return for a house party where I sampled some new and tasty liquors, then down to the waterfront to watch the fireworks and some fire-dancing (got asked for my number...quite flattering...or hillarious...can't decide which), and then to see a reggae-band.
Saw lots of people I had missed for a long time, but also didn't get to see hardly enough of anyone. Christmas is too short, and too hectic.
But now, it's back to Ottawa, and I'm diving into my work, hoping not to drown. It's hard to get stressed about it, because the rest of my life is going so well at the moment. And when everything else is good, the intricicies of bacterial life cycles and the pathogeneic details of viruses and trematods just don't seem as pressing as they might otherwise be.
I have realized, however, that as much as I wish I could pack up and store the baggage I've picked up from previous relationships, it doesn't easily disapear. Last nigth and this morning I recognised certain feelings and insecurities resurfacing that I had tried to let go of. The feelings weren't deserved by the person who incited them in this case....they are just tied so deeply to how I now look at relationships, that they seem to reignite at the smallest little thing. I'm hoping that with time these 'second guessings' will disappear.....but they're engrained pretty deeply, so I'm sure it'll take a lot of time. I just hope in the meantime that I don't do anything to jeopardize the current situation by acting on them.
posted by sordaria @ 2:26 PM
