Sunday, October 26, 2008
Okay, I'm a big fat liar.
I said I was ending this, but now that I've been away, I've decided I may have underestimated the therapeutic value of this blog thing.
What do I want to write about tonight. urgh...who knows...I just feel like writing. I have a dear friend who paints to work out his demons...I write. That, or I take pictures. It's a bit late at night to go roaming the streets in search of a canvas, so to the keyboard I go.
I've been itching to write for a while now. I've been ignoring the whole artist side of myself since I started medical school -- so wrapped up in all the new things to learn and study and regurgitate, that I've stopped making time for the things that help me interpret and put these things into the proper perspective and space. I stopped singing, dancing, writing, taking photos......the only thing I managed to keep was the walking. Walking was always my way of taking the time to think over the day, to try to find the answers, or at least enjoy the melancholy of trying to find the answers.
I've started taking a few pictures again....they're not great...but it's a start. P's been encouraging, pointing out how that tree looks amazing against the sky....and so I'm slowly getting there. And yes, I dance now in my living room. I've probably given a few laughs to the people in the house below, but what odds. And I sing in the shower....and hum on the bus. I'm starting to be me again.
There was a time when life was simpler. That sounds horribly cliche, but it's true. Even just 2 years ago....I partied on the weekends, I ate take out food bought from a truck, my decisions were all my own. And now the answers I give are complicated, and wrapped up with other people. They're BIG decisions. Life decisions. Nothing is simple. And while I love where I now am, and who's here with me, despite the complications, there are times when I yearn for the time when everything was easy and shallow. When nothing was forever, and no decision truely mattered -- everything was reversible.
I've noticed the faintest of wrinkles beginning to form at the creases of my eyes.
Laugh lines.
It's weird, getting older.
posted by sordaria @ 1:20 AM
I said I was ending this, but now that I've been away, I've decided I may have underestimated the therapeutic value of this blog thing.
What do I want to write about tonight. urgh...who knows...I just feel like writing. I have a dear friend who paints to work out his demons...I write. That, or I take pictures. It's a bit late at night to go roaming the streets in search of a canvas, so to the keyboard I go.
I've been itching to write for a while now. I've been ignoring the whole artist side of myself since I started medical school -- so wrapped up in all the new things to learn and study and regurgitate, that I've stopped making time for the things that help me interpret and put these things into the proper perspective and space. I stopped singing, dancing, writing, taking photos......the only thing I managed to keep was the walking. Walking was always my way of taking the time to think over the day, to try to find the answers, or at least enjoy the melancholy of trying to find the answers.
I've started taking a few pictures again....they're not great...but it's a start. P's been encouraging, pointing out how that tree looks amazing against the sky....and so I'm slowly getting there. And yes, I dance now in my living room. I've probably given a few laughs to the people in the house below, but what odds. And I sing in the shower....and hum on the bus. I'm starting to be me again.
There was a time when life was simpler. That sounds horribly cliche, but it's true. Even just 2 years ago....I partied on the weekends, I ate take out food bought from a truck, my decisions were all my own. And now the answers I give are complicated, and wrapped up with other people. They're BIG decisions. Life decisions. Nothing is simple. And while I love where I now am, and who's here with me, despite the complications, there are times when I yearn for the time when everything was easy and shallow. When nothing was forever, and no decision truely mattered -- everything was reversible.
I've noticed the faintest of wrinkles beginning to form at the creases of my eyes.
Laugh lines.
It's weird, getting older.
posted by sordaria @ 1:20 AM
