Life as a Science

Exam over.
Confusion sorted.
Heart hurt.
Head drained.
Pissed, sad, angry.

Time to go get drunk. This block party came at a very good time.
posted by sordaria @ 7:17 PM

I am so frustrated and mad and annoyed and hurt and fuckin' pissed off that I just want to scream.
Not that you would hear me if I did.

Or respond if you did hear.
posted by sordaria @ 2:03 AM

Okay, so one of the guys in our class just stopped by our study room and surprised us with coffee from Tim Hortons. It had cream and sugar in it -- things I normally never take (or like) in my coffee -- but honestly, it was prolly the best tasting cup I've had in a long time.
The nicest thing that's happened to me all week.

Such a simple gesture -- but given the week/night I've had, he has no idea how much that 1.25 cup of coffee meant to me. And he'll prolly never understand how far that little act of kindness went to improving my mood.
Thanks, R. You're an angel.
posted by sordaria @ 12:08 AM

God, this is a shitty week.
Exam next week, so nothing but studying and stress.
Couple that with a mountain of insecurity that got piled on top of me this week, added to the reality that it was valentine's day and I got wishes from everyone EXCEPT the one I'm supposed to get them from, and now recently the newest kick in the pants.

Fuck.

Fuck this shit fuck.
posted by sordaria @ 7:56 PM

A Message From the Heart
Valentine’s Day as seen from the perspective of a medical student studying cardiology

Valentine’s Day takes on a special twist when you’re a medical student. And it’s more than the fact that you’re so busy that you have no time to celebrate it, this assuming you were able to wrestle yourself away from your work long enough to FIND someone worth celebrating it WITH….wait, I’m getting off track. Right – the special twist. The thing is, it’s hard to see ‘matters of the heart’ in the same light once you’ve actually studied it. Once you’ve held a dead and stiffened human heart in your hands, and poked and prodded through its openings and closings, dissected its chambers and reduced it to nothing but a glorified water pump….it’s hard to use it as a symbol of romance.
For example, someone crying out ‘My heart breaks for you!’ brings up anatomical and physiology depictions of blood clots forming and breaking off from your heart tissue, perhaps moving to your brain and causing a stroke. Takes the romance out of it, eh?
You also get agitated when looking at the pictures of hearts on the valentines, knowing as you do that they don’t even remotely fit with the anatomical picture of the heart, and it hurts your head to try to superimpose one on top of the other.
When someone says ‘My heart aches for you’, you wonder, not at their confession of raw emotion, but rather if they are suffering from angina.
And today, I found myself analyzing the fake ecg on a valentine someone sent me, and getting upset because there was something wrong with the Q wave.
Sigh.
I guess the one thing that studying the heart does do for you, is to show you just how delicate it is. How easily things can go wrong...and how fragil we really all are. The thing is, the heart is a muscle. And like all muscles, the more you use it, the stronger it gets. Maybe having a healthy heart means loving people more. A healthy life, in any case, certainly does.

Just ramblings.
Happy Valentine's Day everyone.
xxx
posted by sordaria @ 1:00 AM

Most fabulous weekend.
I saw THE TREWS saturday night...omg what a fabulous show they put off. I was in rock heaven. haah.

I also saw this hillarious country music show at this random little bar in the market called the 'Lucky Ron Show'. I honestly can't describe it. You'll all just have to come visit me and I'll bring you down. It's the experience of a lifetime. :)

This weekend was also a bit of an emotional turning point for me. It pushed me over the hump of insecurity and into the realm of just happy enjoyment. The more I get into this, the more I am appreciating what it is, and how comfortable and happy I am. I have those moments where you just look across the table from you and just smile because it just feels so good.
posted by sordaria @ 2:31 PM

I hate how sad I get about good things because of how scared I am that that good thing is going to end. I hate it.
posted by sordaria @ 1:00 AM