Life as a Science

Just about finished packing up for christmas. In about 20 minutes I'll call my cab, and head out to the airport. Since last christmas, I've spent a combined total of 3 weeks at home, and so I'm SO looking forward to getting back to my home...seeing my friends, seeing my family, my cat, the OCEAN...going to my old haunts. I love coming home for christmas. I almost feel like it wouldn't be christmas if I wasn't 'coming home' for it. Like...I haven't lived at home for a december since high school....christmas has always included a plane ride home, with happy smiles and warm hugs to great me. It's just a part of my own christmas tradition now, I guess. :)

So, here I go. A lot to look forward to at home, and now, perhaps, a something to look forward to on my return. Hmmmm. :)
posted by sordaria @ 1:12 PM

My immunization tutor yesterday:

"For me not to get the influenza vaccine would be just plain stupid. For one, I have lung disease, and for two, I'm older than God."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
HA.


and again...HA. ;)
posted by sordaria @ 3:51 PM

My grey-haired immunology prof in class this morning:

"Apoptosis. It's spelt a-p-o-p-t-o-s-i-s, but it's pronouced apotosis. Those of use who are cool don't pronounce the second P."


So golden.
posted by sordaria @ 1:17 PM

I have nothing to say....but I get to go home in a few days...YAY...WOOOHOOOOO
I'm pretty stoked. That's all. HOME
H
O
M
E


Not that I'm excited.

ha.
posted by sordaria @ 11:10 AM

It's funny to think that even though I have all my friends and all my family, Christmas can still be a lonely period. You go through christmas surrounded by people at family dinners, laughing with your friends, playing in the snow...you're always with people. But at the same time....it's one of those times when you just really really really want to be with the people you love most in the world. And if one of those people is missing....someone that perhaps once shared a christmas with you long ago.....it just doesn't feel right. Something just feels like it's missing. Until you have someone to truely SHARE christmas with, someone you love, it doesn't feel quite complete.

So, christmas makes me a little sad and a little lonely. Even though surrounded by family and friends who care about me and who I love back.

Imagine what it's like for those people who don't have that. Who see the commericals on tv of the perfect family christmas....and don't have money for presents, or a happy problem-free family, or even a house to be in. Imagine how lonely, stressing and sad christmas is for those people. Puts things in perspective. My heart may be aching a bit....but I have a whole lot to be thankful for.
posted by sordaria @ 1:08 AM

I love my friends.
Thank god for you, or I would have crumbled into a thousand pieces.
Thanks to those at home, who know me so well, that a single sentence out of my mouth gives you enough to understand exactly what I"m going through.....
And thanks to those here..who keep me out dancing all night...who make me feel beautiful on the dance floor....who make me smile until my cheeks ache.

I love you guys. ALl of you. I'm drunk...but happy. And if not for you...god knows where I would be right now.
You all are amazing. I hope you know that.
posted by sordaria @ 3:20 AM

I need to stop giving a fuck about those that don't.
posted by sordaria @ 8:19 PM

Oh. So this is what this feels like. I was wondering what it was going to do to me.

So this is that feeling. This is what it feels like to actually have it happen -- to actually have it break. I guess it was already cracking....tears beginning to show...it had been patched and repatched so many times....but now it's actually broken.

So this is what it feels like.


Funny how people seem to thing you can sum this feeling up with 2 words.
That's pretty funny.
posted by sordaria @ 7:22 PM

Three years ago today.
Miss you, M.
Your smile, in my mind's eye, still makes me smile.
posted by sordaria @ 12:50 PM

Okay, so random thing happened last night.

Let's go back to grade 9: I was 15. I had big glasses, guy's jeans, big stripped northern reflections shirts. I wore my hair in a low polytail all the time...prolly parted in the middle, and no makeup ever. I wasn't exactly the epitamy of attractiveness. It was junior high.
My brother was in grade 12 at a different school, and played on the senior boys basketball team. I would occasionally go watch his games, and stare at the older boys..haha...like you do. Of course, I NEVER talked to them, and there is no reason to think any of them even knew I existed. There was one boy in particular, who was kinda the star. He played every sport in high school, was really attractive, and so everyone sorta drooled over him a bit. I do remember sorta idolizing him a bit....so of course NEVER talked to him, or even really looked in his direction, and he wasn't really friends with my brother so that wasn't really a connection...and pretty much just forgot about him after a while.

Fast forward to last night.
I'm out at a danceclub in Ottawa with 3 girlfriends....it was a bit of a random bar to pick.....but we were having a great time. Lots of people, a few drinks, great music, great company....good night overall. At one point in the night, the four of us are dancing it up on the dancefloor -- I look across the floor, and see a guy about two metres away who is tall and pretty cute. He looks up, sees me, smiles a big smile. I'm all like, 'ooo' (HAHA..I'm lame)..but then, he WAVES at me. WAVES. Across a dance floor. At this point i'm thinking he prolly has some sort of social disaiblity, so I just sorta turn away and go back to dancing :)
After the next song, however, he comes over through the crowd, and goes, 'hey, how's it going?' And I'm all like...okay...he's cute...'Good, you?' And THEN he goes, 'You're Erica, right? Erica Lilly?'
And my jaw sorta drops, and I'm all like..shit....quickly scanning through my memory banks to try to see if this guy is ringing any bells at all...which he is NOT.....and so i say, 'Yeah, I am....do..do I know you???'
At which point he goes...'Yea, I used to play basketball with your brother!'
.....and my brain starts to freak out...
"It's so weird I remember your name, cause you would have been in grade 9 when we were in grade 12"
.....and my brain goes...wtf....

We chat then for a while, and throughout the entire thing I'm thinking, 'How the HELL do you know me. How the HELL do you even know I EXIST, let alone my NAME....after 10 years????'
I mean...I had a crush on the guy...and I didn't even recognize him...or remember that he was on the planet until he reminded me....

Anyway, he's a super nice guy, with a lot of interesting stories...and perhaps I'll see him at home over christmas.

It just goes to show that you're rarely ever truely anonymous. And sometimes people know who you are, when you think you're no more than a fly on the wall.

This is why I love life.....because just when you think you know what's going on, it throws a curveball at you. Sometimes those curveballs hit you in the chest, and they really hurt, and sometimes scar you...and sometimes they just surprise you....and make you feel amazing when you're able to still hit them out of the park.
posted by sordaria @ 11:59 AM