Life as a Science

The beginning of the relationship is scary. It shouldn't be. It should be exciting, flirtacious, enthralling, mysterious....which it all is...but it's also scary. It's scary because you don't know what you're getting yourself into. If you're one of those people, like yours truely, who somehow manages to grow attached to people quite quickly, it's frightening as you feel yourself doing this sooner than you would like. You don't know how the other person is doing...how they're feeling...and if they are feeling the same sort of connection, the same level of uneasy comfort you are...the feeling that you have known them longer than physical time has recorded. You get scared that you're going to get hurt, if you fall faster than them and then they decide they don't want you around anymore.
Even when the other person shows no signs of going anywhere...in fact, gives you every sign in the world that they are planning on sticking around for a while, you still worry, and wonder.

Gawd. I wish I could just learn to relax, breathe, and take everything one step at a time.
Until I do, I'll just keep my mouth shut. It's one thing to be silently neurotic. It's quite another to voice those issues and truely BECOME neurotic. ;)
posted by sordaria @ 11:19 PM

Tonight, I sang Kareoke. 'Sweet Home Alabama', in fact.

Yay for conquering fears and having a good time doing it. :)
posted by sordaria @ 3:02 AM

It's OVER!!
That's right. My first ever med school exam is finally kaput, and we spent a fabulous weekend in London celebrating its demise. I learned how to suture on a pig's hoof, and helped to body surf my friend matt around a bar. it was great. :)

Today I had the entire day off. No classes, and since it is the beginning of a new block, effectively no work. I lounged around the whole day (it was raining, so not a good day to go for a walk or explore downtown), and am feeling guilty about it. I always need a few days of doing nothing in order to learn how to enjoy it again. I'm sorta like WA - workaholics anonymous.

What else.....that Staind song is on the radio again. no matter how many times I hear it, I can't get sick of it. It still holds on.....and it's so true. The more people I talk to, and the more I take a harder look at myself, the more I realize that people can have such a hold on us, that 'they always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting'. So, I'm waiting. And waiting. But, yet, happy to do so.

Hmmm....what else. Have cut trans fat completely out of my diet. You should do it too. That shit is dangerous.

End transmission.
posted by sordaria @ 12:09 AM

Am too tired to be even remotely interesting.
But check this out: http://theunderweardrawer.homestead.com/twelvemedstudents.html
Hopefully you'll get a chuckle out of it.
I started laughing so hard I nearly smiled.
posted by sordaria @ 9:05 PM

My first med school exam is on friday.
It's monday night.
I'm too tired to be stressed. And too full of turkey.
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....tryptophan.
APPPARENTLY, there's actually not enough tryptophan in turkey to have this sleepy effect though -- it's just cause we eat sooo much in general. Weird ,eh?

It's so disturbing to be finding out that all the stuff I thought was true is false.
Like, that whole 'don't swallow bubblegum cause it'll sit in your stomach for 7 years', thing?
Yeah -- that's bullshit.

WHOA.
I gotta go tell the kids.
posted by sordaria @ 12:38 AM

I locked myself out of the house today.
One of my roomates has gone home to Sudbury for the weekend, and the other is currently AWOL.
Great.


I just can hear all my friends saying, 'And you're a Rhodes Scholar.' Or the more popular, 'And you're going to be a doctor.'

ARGH.
I am so stupid sometimes it hurts.
haha
posted by sordaria @ 4:45 PM

God. I wish I could write what someone told me today. But I can't. Makes me want to go out and do everything I can right now though. Cause in the end, I want good memories. I don't want to be at the end of my life, and have nothing to do when I think about my life but cry.
posted by sordaria @ 7:19 PM

The human heart is a pretty simple organ when you think about it.
It's just a big ol' pump.
Of course...it's not SIMPLE...but in comparison to some of the other things going on in our bodies, it's relatively straight forward.

Now...why does it feel though that the things in life that we attribute to our 'hearts' are SO DAMN COMPLICATED???!!!

I wish biology was reflected in actuality.
posted by sordaria @ 10:13 PM

As hoped, the whiskey bar delievered an action-packed and fun-filled evening.
Even got a free drink out of it.


Yay.
posted by sordaria @ 1:24 PM

Urgh.
Studying all day -- I did NOT miss this aspect of school.

It looks to be a beautiful weekend -- 22 and sunny both days...and where am i going to be? In the library. that's right. My closest encounter with the beautiful day will be through a sheet of plexiglass. Wooo....ho.

My frontal lobe is not amused.


in other news, I am returning to my favorite Ottawa hotspot, the WHISKY BAR tonight. i don't drink whisky, but I love the bar, so I'm stoked. yay. :)
posted by sordaria @ 2:03 PM